I also spell "Viscosity" like this: "thickness."

I'm spiffy like that.

So after a whole bunch of reviews of movies which boil down to "I thought they were fun because let's face it I'm a lowest-common-denominator-kind-of-guy and let's face it if it has some cool explosions I'm IN, man!" at last I have a review which boils down to "Holy cow, holy COW, HOLY COW, HOLY FREAKIN' COW!"

The movie I'm making all this beef over (get it?!  Ha, I crack my behind up...and there's another joke for you other lowest common denominator types!) is, of course, Kung Pow, Enter the Fist!

Okay, just kidding.  Though I do think KPEtF is going to go down right behind Casablanca as one of the cinematic greats.  History will bear me out on this one.

But where was I?

Oh, yeah.  Inception.

I'm going to say this slowly and clearly, so there is no hope of misunderstanding.

GO.  SEE.  THIS.  MOVIE.

RIGHT.  NOW.

AND.  BRING.  A.  NOTEPAD.

IF.  YOU.  REFUSE.  TO.  COMPLY.  I.  WILL.  WRITE.  IN.  THIS.  ANNOYING.  FASHION.  FOREVER.

I'll also hold my breath until I turn blue and pass out.  I might even wet myself.  That's how much this movie rocked: "spontaneous urination" rockage.

So what was so cool about it?  Well, in a list of no particular order:

1)  Leo didn't suck.  I know he's supposed to be a great actor, and I can actually see that.  I mean, I get that he's good.  Just he's never "gelled" for me.  But in this, he gelled.  A lot.  I actually re-did my hairstyle while in the theater, using said gel.

2)  Michael Caine.  I don't really have to say much more than that.  It's like saying "Morgan Freeman" or "Anthony Hopkins."  Certain people you just stick up on the screen with a phone book and let them read it and then you gladly write a check for umpty-billion dollars (or whatever their salary is these days).

3)  Zero-g fighting.  I can't say any more about this because it's integrally tied into the plot, and I don't want to ruin it for you.  Suffice it to say, when Joseph Gordon-Levitt rolls up his sleeves, prepare to have your bum handed to you (metaphorically speaking...unless you're dating a canibal, in which case GET OUT WHILE YOU STILL CAN).  And yes, this is the same JG-L who was the kid on Third Rock From the Sun.  And while I feel I could have killed young alien JG-L with little or no difficulty using only a kite string and my strong middle finger, after seeing this movie I would not tangle with this dude armed with anything less than a howitzer that shot man-eating sharks.

4)  The plot.  Remember how I mentioned you might want to bring a notepad?  Seriously, this was one of the most complicated plots I've seen in "mainstream theater."  Which means implicitly that not only was it incredibly complex, but it also had to be UNDERSTANDABLE.  And it was.  Holy cow, it was.  But you had to pay attention.  Word to the wise: PEE BEFORE YOU SEE THIS MOVIE.  There are ZERO opportunities to go visit the potty without missing something critical.  And if you miss one critical thing, you WILL NOT UNDERSTAND THE REST OF WHAT'S GOING ON.

That's why they call such things "critical."  Duh.

5)  Jaw dropping.  I can't remember the last time I spent at a theater where my mouth fell open around minute 4 and didn't close until the end credits had stopped rolling.  I didn't even have to worry about refreshments: my wife just lobbed Junior Mints into my open mouth and I swallowed 'em whole.  I think one of them may have been a bug, too, but I was too engaged on the awesomey-radicalness of the movie to care.  I probably needed the extra protein to save my strength for the aforementioned strenuous jaw-openiness of the movie.

Okay, now you'll notice that I haven't given much too you in the way of plot details.  And I won't, neither.   Because this plot is just too much fun to spoil at all.  It is brilliant, it is air-tight, it has no real plot-holes (okay, I spotted one or two, but they are minor to the purposes of the story and emminently forgiveable in the context of the aforementioned awesomey goodness of this flick), and above all it made me FEEL STUFF.

And, news flash, that's why we go to the movies.  Contrary to many of the critics, movies aren't just a chance for us to go sit down and make urbane, witty (i.e., mean and degrading) comments about them during and after.  Movies are where we go when we don't have time or money for a roller coaster park.  We go there to have experiences we could never have in this life.  To be scared, thrilled, enthralled, terrified, appalled, joyous, relieved...and all from the safety of the theater.  Which can actually be dangerous if you have one of those really sticky-floored theaters.  But still.  Mostly it's safe.  Mostly.

At any rate, before I meander too far off the mark (too late!), let me close with this: GO SEE INCEPTION.

GO.  SEE.  IT.  NOW.

I'm holding my breath!

Like what you've read? Please consider checking out my number-one rated book BILLY: MESSENGER OF POWERS, or my new hit thriller RUN...and please also share this blog with others by clicking the following: