I have finally discovered THE ANSWER.

I know there's a lot of hype about this, some claiming THE ANSWER can be found in religion; others saying THE ANSWER can be found in science; still others alleging that THE ANSWER can be seen only in the random patterns made by the mixing of oil, water, and a dollop of Jiff Super Crunchy Peanut Butter.

But they're all wrong.

THE ANSWER is only to be found here, alone with you and me and My Little Thoughts.

So what is THE ANSWER?  Well, I'll tell you: it's all about the name.

I know, that seems too simple, so I'll elaborate.  That's what I do.  I elaborate things.  I take toilet paper and turn it into a doiley.  I take rice paper and turn it into ribbons and bows.  I take stained glass windows and make them into... uh... more elaborate stained glass windows.

So what I mean by "it's all about the name" is this: I think we would see the world improve overnight if we required our elected officials to legally change their names every year to the name of the person or business entity who gave them the most money.  I mean, think about it!  Who has the time, REALLY, to get to know their elected officials in any kind of depth?  Who has the right mix of spare time, earnestness, and devotion to ferret out what ANYONE really believes, let alone what a politician - "politician" being rooted in the Greek word "politicus" which means "to lie and cheat" - has slithering around in his/her brain pan.

So we all agree that's an impossible task.  And so therefore we are all really just a nation of blind people following the disembodied voices of our elected officials as they say "trust us," never knowing (because remember, we're blind) that the voice we hear is leading us to the precipice of an active volcano while the speaker (the politician) sips margaritas in the sunshine far away (he's using a walkie talkie to talk to us, and we don't know it because, remember, we're blind).

BUT...

Say we change our election policies.  Now, instead of Joe Guillermo, R, and Suzanne Johnston, D, being our choices for U.S. Senator, we have to choose between Joe Guillermo aka Citizens for a Good Earth a Division of Shell Oil and Suzanne Johnston aka Sex is a Good Thing, Inc. a subsidiary of Planned Parenthood of America.  Suddenly, I suspect we have some information we can really use.  We may know nothing about Joe or Suzanne as PEOPLE (I'm told they're both absolutely lovely to have at parties), but we certainly know who they are as prostitutes.  Because while it's true you can't judge a book by its cover, you can often judge it by who pays for its publication.

I know, I know, it's not a perfect fix.  After all, there ARE still politicians - in theory at least - who receive most of their election money from "the people."  And when you vote for someone who has the nerve to call himself "James Goodson aka James 'the People' Goodson," who knows what you're going to get?  I mean, this is a DEMOCRACY, right?  So who can risk their future by voting for someone who represents something as nebulous and ever-changing as "the people"?  That's like saying you're betting your life savings on 21 Black at the roullette table because you saw 21 black geese flying south for the winter this morning (or is it north?  Who can tell which way is which these days, what with Global Warming and all?).  So we all know that if there are enough legislators who actually represent their constituents, all we'll have is chaos and pandemonium.  No one wants that, and I'm not advocating anything crazy like demanding that our representatives speak FOR us.*

I just want to know who's paying for their first class tickets to the election box.  Just give me that.  Please, Mr. Representative from California aka United Unions Against Things Like Actually Accomplishing Something Today.

*Especially not for me.  I mean, after all, as a middle class white male, I'm basically the cause of All Things Evil in the world, so I can hardly ask that someone look out for MY interests.  That's what Lucifer is for, right?